Almost exactly two years ago now I had experiences which completely changed my world view literally overnight. As incredible as it seems even, no, especially to me I started receiving telepathic messages from alien entities. As a trained scientist who abandoned traditional channels of scientific investigation some years ago, I was at a complete loss as to how to report this interesting data. It was completely subjective and therefore broke the first rule of scientific investigation - repeatability. I am thankful for the opportunity given by Rey Hernandez to present it and its precedents in his book, if not under a scientific scrutiny, at least to a critical public.
I agree entirely with Rey Hernandez's assessment that the nature of EEP contacts is, first of all, mental/psychological. From a scientific viewpoint it matters not whether the phenomena that so many of us have described is "real". They are fascinating sociological phenomena at the very least. The consistent correlations between the reports of different observers seems to be have much bigger import than simple "co-incidence". There appears a consistent pattern that can scarcely be attributed to random chance. I am at something of a loss as to how to present the series of seemingly disconnected events in my personal life tapestry that resulted in my focus on the UAP phenomenon. This is compounded by the fact that phenomena now continue, even as I type. "Chronological order" seems the most reasonable but that assumes a linearity to time I no longer accept as given. So this narrative is primarily but not exclusively chronological.
I meet Eatie.
In my life the search for personal and spiritual identity and where that search fits harmoniously into the whole of humanity has been of paramount importance to me. "Gnothi Seuton" = know thyself is the ancient dictum I have tried to follow. It has been a "spiritual" search that I believe has led directly to encounters with NHIs of a number of types. What follows is a brief history some of my encounters with NHIs and their context as I now reflect upon them:
I was in the San Fernando valley as part of my walk-about. It was just prior to the Vision. There, on the supermarket shelf was the mass market paper back of Whitley Streiber's Communion.. The picture on the cover was of a "grey" : almost no nose, tiny slit for mouth, large almond shaped eyes. I had seen this entity before watching me when I was a small child. Twice that I remembered.
The first time I saw the little man standing outside my bedroom window I think I was around 3 years old on a Halloween. I saw what I then interpreted as a white skull staring at me in the dark of night staring intently at me thru the window. I was petrified. I remember nothing else of the encounter. Just raw fear and a scary skull.
I was five or six. I was visiting my grandparents on the Colorado/ New Mexico border while my parents took a mini-vacation stream fishing near the four corners area. I had been given a bed that faced an old style transit window. The window was about 7' up from the floor and about two feet high by three feet in width.. One opened it with a little hook that pulled the window down from the top. As I lay in the bed which faced the window, I saw a white skull staring down at me. I tried to scream to my grandparents but nothing would come out. It was as if I were hypnotized and had no control over my muscles. This is usually referred to as a hypnogogic state. It is quite common so it is dismissed as a psychological aberation that many people have experienced upon waking up.
When I saw the cover of Communion I immediately flashed back to the incidents with the skulls. It was one of the very few occasions in my life when the hair on the back of my neck stood up in terror. I hadn't seen skulls, I realized. They were greys.
1947 saw the birth the UFO era with the sightings around Mt. Ranier, Washington state, that gave "flying saucers" their name. It was the year of the Roswell incident. It was the year that also saw my birth. I was born within seconds of the summer solstice. Astrological connections to NHI encounters seem strangely important. Those cultures supposedly connected to "ancient aliens" are usually the same ones that went to great lengths to calculate the equinoxes and the solstices. In Science of Consciousness and Contact Vol.1, physicist Rudy Schild suggests that this has to do with the rotational aspects of the local system & the galaxy. If true it may be a marker as to precursors to my own experiences.
UFO sightings were a part of my family history.. A great deal of evidence has been accumulated indicating that the visitors are interested in human DNA. While I was growing up in central and southern Colorado, New Mexico was experiencing a mass of UFO sightings of particularly spectacular red fireballs in addition to the mentioned Roswell incident. At this time my uncle was an air traffic controller (eventually chief controller) at the Albuquerque (International) airport. He was talking daily to the frightened pilots watching their aircraft buzzed by inexplicable things they could not understand. My cousins in Albuquerque saw a large "craft" hovering over the nearby mountains. This branch of my family, a conservative group if ever there were one, remains absolutely convinced that we are being visited by intelligently controlled craft. I posit that genetic connections are also a precursor marker to NHI experiences particularly when occurring in areas known as UFO hot spots.
My two "grey" apparitions are easily dismissable and not particularly noteworthy in themselves, but they form part of a larger pattern. During the '50s while these contacts with the whatever occurred, there was a great number of UAP sightings associated with that area of the U.S southwest. Eatie announced his arrival with spectaclular fireworks displays. I use the term "Eatie" here in jest. It is my opinion that most of the Visitors are amicable. Some probably are not. My sources suggest that the small greys are android entities with very little understanding of human ethics. So, they feel free to use psi forces to control contactees. They use a empathic projection of fear to subdue and control the subjects of their cold experimentation. As I understand it, this parctice has currently been curtailed by more developed NHI races. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The D'nai (Navajo) nation that is partially indigenous to the area know of the star people. When asking them as an outsider about this, they immediately change the subject. Part of this is cultural. They consider questions of any personal nature to be very rude. The four corners region of the southwest is still something of an anthropological mystery. A people known as the Anasazi built many cliff dwellings into the sides of cliffs there. A number of mesas in the area contain modern pueblo communities that claim Anasazi descent but I understand that archaeology has yet to verify this.. Other mesas still have the remains of Anasazi settlements. Sometime, aroound a thousand years ago and before the arrival of the D'nai, the large population living in the area vanished almost overnight. The prevailing theory is that ecological collapse caused peoples to leave the area. Of special interest is the Chaco canyon area where evidence of possible cannibalism has been found. The D'nai generally refuse to go into Chaco canyon. This is also the area where the first modern cattle mutilations were reported. The prevailing theory in UFO circles that fits the evidence is that greys have been doing genetic research on humans, possibly with the goal of developing human hybrids.
It seems that every corner of the globe has its share of strange myths but this area is associated with more spookiness than most. My personal connection to the area begins with my mother. During WWII she taught on the Navajo Reservation. Admittedly, this is a tenuous connection at best. Yet, weaving the disparate threads of the narrative of the area into my own story has led me to a working hpothesis. I posit that I was part of the grey's experiments in mammalian reproduction in the area.
I have an embarassing confession to make. My birth certificate says I was born male. I don't intend to dwell on this subject other than to say that the apparent contradiction between my emotions and my physical body led me on a quest for reasons at a very early age. Again, there is evidence that NHI's have been involved in reproductive research. My family is connected with the major U.S. area where this occurred. I have concluded that there is a high probability I was the offspring of one of the greys genetic experiments. I am NOT amused. Most of my childhood was a slow recognition of the fact that my thot processes were not the same as those of my supposed peers. Science was not able to tell me the causes of my deviance. I began to seek spiritual answers starting my liberal Christian upbringing in an attempt to understand the teachings of Master Yeshua ben Yosef (Jesus) who spoke frequently about the relationship between belief and the material world.
At age 9 my cousin, one of those from Albuquerque who report having seen craft near there, introduced me to science fiction. I was immediately enamored and have read that genre of literature all my life. My father was a chemical engineer and strong proponent of western science. It's not surprising that these factors led me to a career in science.
For most of the years of childhood my investigation of first contact phenomena was spotty and limited to science fiction. In early teens I read Real Book About About Space Travel one in a youth non-fiction series. Towards the end of the book was the statement with the emotional impact of a gut punch -"flying saucers are real". I began reading other non-fiction on the subject, works by Donald Kehoe & others. Noteworthy was Edward J. Ruppelt's Project Bluebook. Ruppelt was head of the USAF public investigative team that looked into Unknown Aerial Phenomena (UAPs) in th 50s. With approximately 20% of the cases unexplained, Ruppelt ended his book with 'make up your own mind'. A second edition came out roughly two years later. This time, the author completely reversed his position and stated categorically that there was nothing to multiple reports left un-explained. Even as a child this abrupt about face puzzled me.
Encounters during this period were few with two minor exceptions. Coming home from grade school I saw a silver sphere a hand's width above the horizon in the direction of Peterson Field, Colorado Springs - home of NORAD at that time. No one else seemed to notice it. Also during this time period a friend and I went to a lecture by a UFO enthusiast and abductee. She claimed to have been taken aboard a vehicle who took her near the sun. Her story was that everyone is wrong. The sun does not emit heat, it emits cold which she could feel coming thru the window of the craft. The lecture she gave was free. I did not question her sincerity. Like many of us, she saw herself as a missionary informing people. I saw her as something of a kind & gentle loon. I thot her connection with consensus reality was tenuous at best. Ironic that I now find myself in a similar position.
The Education of Undersoul Janet
My father was a chemical engineer of some note (President of the International Society of Sugar Beet Technologists). Science fiction was my joy and refuge. It was almost fore-ordained that I would seek a career in science. I would invent the drive that would break the light speed barrier and give mankind the stars so I could go visit the outrageous entities I met between the pages of my books. My scholarship was spotty but I tested high enough (National Merit) to be accepted to a college ranked third below Cal Tech & MIT in technological education.
My failure of scholarship led to serving in the field in Viet Nam in the infantry. My career as a ground pounder (or mud in my case) was surprisingly successful. I did not experience post trauma stress of many combat vets. Periods of real danger were few and brief. They were exciting and fear occurred only before and after. Somehow I had an internal surety that I would come back. There was never any doubt in my mind.
Following the end of my active service I returned to college, this time to the University of Colorado attending the main campus in Boulder and then graduating from a secondary campus in Colorado Springs. I majored in physics with a minor in philosophy but my degree was in applied math. Two of the courses I needed were not available at the smaller C.S. campus. Physics majors must take so much math that it is quite easy to switch to an applied math degree. Math was the most difficult of my courses. It wasn't until my senior year (my very last course I recall) that, while taking Advanced Calculus, a non-verbal insight shifted my perspective sufficiently to complete the work. I realized that mathematics is not about the formulas. Mathematics is a discipline that takes place in non-verbal realms and the formulas are just the manner in which the results are expressed. Suddenly, I went from "Ds and Cs" in math to an A. It was the union of left brain analysis & right brain synthesis that led to the insight.
Note worthy, because the Colorado Springs was smaller, and perhaps less desirable for academics seeking a standard tenure track career, several of my professors were mavericks. My math professor was a firm believer that the Egyptians were aided by ancient aliens as the alignment with celestial phenomena remains unexplained by conventional methods. My physics professor took two of us to meet with Dr. Jules Eisenbud, keeper of the wild card Ted Serios, who was able, under controlled test conditions, including enclosure in a Faraday cage, to "project" images onto unexposed film. In one case he'd projected an unidentifiable image on film that later proved to be a Russian sattellite recently launched and never seen before in the U.S. Ted came in while we were there. As Dr. Eisenbud noted in his writing, Described as child like, Ted struck me as entirely self-contained. He had quit playing with the scientists out of boredom and we were of no interest to him. He got his attaboys from Dr. Eisenbud & left.
Being at the C.S. campus also gave me the opportunity to take two graduate survey courses in Tensor Analysis and in General Relativity. These would prove invaluable in trying to understand the current theory on the construction of the universe from a philosophical viewpoint.
Graduation led to a fairy successful career as a software engineer working on NORAD communication software (got a tour for the software team thru Cheyenne Mountain - 3 story buildings on giant shock absorber springs), real time modeling of an advanced Linear Induction Motor propelled mass transit system (rode the air cushion vehicle on the test track outside Denver - this was a comfortable no carbon alternative to current mass transit), developing the numerical techniques for a RT monitor of SO2 emissions, and working with developing a bit slice emulator on an Intel microprocessor development system. These accomplishments are, of course music only to techie ears. I was able to use the best medical techniques then available to correct my birth defects.
Meanwhile my personal studies in philosophy, especially esoteric philosophy continued. I looked into many types of unusual phenomena. I read extensively on paradox and became interested in Curt Goedel's Theorem on the Undecidiblitiy. I was particularly drawn to the tetragrammaton as a model for universal process and its truncated equivalent in Hegel's dialectic as a model for the inherent difficulties in language. I began to suspect that paradox was built into the basic structure of the universe. The suggestion came to me from some writing by Noam Chomsky that there is a substrate in human cognition that is a priori any thought which can be verbalized. The dictum of Lao Tsu that 'the Tao that can be told is not THE Tao' became ingrained as a began to recognize the limits inherent in logical reasoning alone.
I began to recognize the significance of the left/right brain split that seems to separate verbal reasoning/ and intuitive modes of thot. I began to consciously work on developing my intuitive faculties as opposed to the faculties of pure reason. Because of the pictoral synthetic, right brain nature of Tarot, I was particularly drawn to it. I was training my analytic skills thru my college courses and my work but I felt more comfortable with the synthetic side of congnition. I started a study of the Tarot, not as a mechanism for divination, but as a non-linear, non-verbal pictoral map of what mythologist Joeseph Campbell called "the hero's journey). I read Carlos Castanedas on shamanism. I repeatedly re-read the New Testament of the Christian Bible to try and glean the true meaning of the esoteric teachings hidden there in plain sight. I read works on Buddhism & Taoism. I studied ancient systems of divination, meditation techniques, sacred geometry, all things weird and wonderful.
Simultaneously my training pushed me in trying to put intuitive cognition into analytical terms. I was drawn to the study of the tetragrammaton as a description of the eternal creative process. . I studied logical paradox. and began to suspect that paradox was built into fabric of the universe itself. I was particularly drawn to Tarot and to the tetragrammaton.. The suggestion came to me from some writing by Noam Chomsky that there is a substrate in human cognition that is a priori any thought which can be verbalized. The dictum of Lao Tsu that the Tao that can be told is not THE Tao became ingrained as a began to recognize the limits inherent in logical reasoning alone.
My study of the history of science led to the inevitable conclusion that those who made significant contributions to humanities intellectual advancement did so from the fringe and my ego said I wasn't willing to settle for less. I took Richard Bach's Illusions as a bible and soon found myself "materializing" blue feathers in my life. I'v done so to this day tho these days I prefer when I find them still on the birds - the many Stellar's Jays that visit our little corner of the world.
Somewhen during this period Fermi's Paradox came to my attention.Isaac Asimov had written of the "Last Question". The prevalent cosmology at that time concluded that the stars of the universe would, one by one, burn their hydrogen fuel to produce Helium, the helium to produce Carbon and so on down the chain of nuclear fusion products until they burned out or collapsed into exotic objects. The end result was called the "heat death" of the universe. Eternal darkness. In his story Asimov proposed that how to deal with this finality was the "final" question of all intelligences. About the same time as Asimov's story, Carl Sagan published his first popular book Cosmos with illustrations of the Kardashev scale. The Klardashev scale is an attempt to categorize the development of a intelligent civilization in terms of the energy it uses. For example, a type one civilization uses all of the enerty output of its star. Fermi's Paradox hearkened back to a proposal by cyberneticist von Neumann that it is well within foreseeable technology. A technological civilization could build self replication robots that would investigate a star system, use its resources to reproduce itself and continue on in the exploration of other star systems. Within a few thousand years the entire galaxy could be explored without ever breaking the strictures against faster than light travel. Why then, asked Fermi, haven't we seen the evidence of some other technological civilization in the sol system. Of course, this was not truely a paradox, rather just a puzzle and it is easily resolved: we have. Here we have the motivation for advanced intelligences to contact humanity. Every processing viewpoint is needed to solve the final question. All life has an investment in continuance beyond the theorized heat death of the universe.
Stress Fractures
Shamanistic practices all over the world rely on an initiation into other realms of consciousness by the putting the would be shaman in states of extreme stress as triggers to the mystical experience.
In the late '80s I had purchased a mountain home in the mountains outside of Denver. I was working for a firm that processed oil exploration data. My salary was in the hi echelons for women working in industrial research. I started graduate school in philosophy of science under the tutalage of Dr. Glen Webster, University of Colorado, Denver campus. We had multiple conversations outside class about the free will of "George the electron." This seems to have been a trigger for a Lemony Snicket unfortunate turn of events.
A comic opera war straight out of a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta was started in the south Atlantic between Great Britain and Argentina over Falkland Islands ... mostly bare rocks and sheep. Argentina proceded to nationalize foreign investments. My company was one of those who had offices in Buenas Aries. Simultaneously, the bottom fell out of the price of crude oil. My company was in trouble. Research, even that for practical ends, is not something that accountants have much appreciation for. I was laid off. The drop in oil price affected technical positions (and others) thruout the western states. I couldn't find a job. I went thru the blackest depression, attempting suicide on three separate occasions. Fortunately, I was incompetent (and no, I wasn't seeking attention, I was quite serious about the endeavor).
I had to find some sort of support group. Traditional religious gatherings struck me as well-meaning but essentially ignorant. I found a cult.
I call Bob & Lilly Harms my ministers to this day. They met in an Episcopalean seminary and had been ordained there. They found the strictures of Christian tradition to be untenable and eventually connected with Grace Faus, DDE. minister of the church of Devine Science. At 76 Grace had had an illlustrious career of some national note. This frail whisp of a woman was soon to be my teacher.
Bob & Lil were hosting an eclectic meditation group in their home on a weekly basis. I attended and suddenly found myself in a metaphorical coven of witches. Magical synchronicities happened with great frequency. As an example, a group of us were having pizza at a local watering hole when two distraught women from Denver showed up looking for their husbands. The husbands had gone fishing and not returned. We all piled into one of the cars to search. In a wilderness maze of back roads, many unmarked on maps, covering miles of territory and no knowledge where fishermen might be, our little "coven" somehow managed to navigate directly to the lost boys inside half an hour.
Thru Bob & Lil I met Grace & joined her class with others from the meditation group. Grace's ministry was in "Divine Science church. She was essentially teaching the power of positive thot. My investiture from the company I had worked for arrived and I rented a small apartment in her basement. While there I had my first past life experience. A girl friend in the meditation group with strong psychic abilities was having a birthday. I had no funds with which to present her a celebratory gift. I awoke one morning and began writing a fully formed story of two intertwined past lives which became the gift. As this "story" came to me it was indistinguishable in any way from a "memory".
Briefly, I remembered being two interacting people in 12th century Germany. I was a baron and I was simultaneously a desirable maiden who was the herbal healer for her small village. The baron was desirous of the maiden & tried to seduce her. When she rebuffed his advances he (as a church official as well as a temporal authority) had her tortured and burned at the stake. At a later nexus in linear time his horse spooked crossing a bridge, threw him, and he died instantly when his head hit the bridge railing & snapped his neck. Strangely, with both persona now dead, this was not the end of the memory. From the view of the baron's persona "I" continued into the afterlife. A Beatrice like guide led me to an over view of the maiden's position in hell. Switching viewpoints to that of the maiden I realized I was in hell because I had denied Christ in admitting to be a witch during the baron's torture. I'd been a good and faithful Catholic all of this life but a moments self-denial under torture put me in Hell. "This couldn't be!, I realized and was instantly released from the inferno of agony. Thus ended the peculiar story which became my friends birthday present.
The contact modalities mentioned in the first volume of the CCRI report do not mention past life experiences. I suggest they, too are part of the same overall phenomenon connecting the experiences of individuals with a "mind-field" of awareness Since that time I have often had what I would call spontaneous past life "bleed thrus", short recollections of incidents in other personal existences. Most significant seems to be an incident in the mid-90s when I intentionally investigated the phenomenon under the supervision of a good friend who had been trained in regression therapy. I had learned self hypnosis a number of years before so I am a very easy subject. Within seconds of going into a deep state of mental and physical relaxation I jerked out again coughing very violently and frightening my friend. I had "returned" to an experience in Roman times. I was the wife of a charioteer of the Roman circus in Herculaneum when the pyroclastic cloud from Vesuvius descended on the town and initially burned out everyone's lungs. At the time of this experiment, the pyroclastic flow into Herculaneum was unknown to me and in fact I think it had not yet been discovered.
While staying in Grace's basement, studies with her and the little cadre of psychic explorers continued. She was known to all of us as "amazing Grace". It was not possible to enter her house without a hug. In irony that we mere mortals could not match her degree of positivity, we began calling her "little miss positive" which soon transmuted into "little funking miss positive." Yet, it most be noted that some of her students were considerably less enamored. Living with Grace gave me the opportunity to see her blemishes. My husband is fond of saying that we are attracted to people because of their strengths but we love them because of their weaknesses. One of Grace's students had given up on a lively New York arts scene life style to come to the Colorado mountains and study with her. She became disillusioned and embittered. Grace was less than perfect. As much an inspiring example as Grace was, she could be self-serving and oblivious to the suffering of others. The medium is NOT the message. I have seen aspects of this spiritual message many times since. How many times in our religions has the messenger been confused with the message?
Grace was attending a conference for "New Thought" religious leaders in Phoenix, Arizona. I still had no focus for my own spiritual exploration. I decided to hitchike from Colorado to investigate. Just before leaving a random comment from a casual acquaintance to the affect that they had found Sedona, Arizona inspiring triggered an intuition. In my hitch-hiking, I would make the minor detour to visit. A 36 year old woman with no real ties who had never hitched in her life before, girded my loins & stuck my thumb out. Let me make it clear: I do NOT recommend this mechanism for spiritual growth. There has to be an easier way! Nonetheless, the venture was illuminating. I pushed my courage. The driver of almost every ride was interested in spiritual discussion. On the return trip a ride dropped me at the crossroad that led to Sedona. A rattlesnake was buzzing in a nearby bush (snakes being purported to be omens of change).
With the last of my funds I stopped at a little restaurant for some lunch. Leaving somewhat disillusioned, I started on the next leg of my journey home up thru the beautiful red- rock formations leading to the mountains surrounding Flagstaff. About half a mile outside of the small village, a young couple stopped to pick me up. "We NEVER stop for hitch-hikers, but something told us to!" A conversation on esoteric spirituality insued. They were going to an area in the nearby rocks where a small stream had carved. a natural water slide. I was invited and later invited to stay the night at their home. Talented artists, they had done some fascinating paintings of the world of the fae. Before leaving next morning, the woman gave me a book that went a long way in convincing me of the reality of magic. Gemrod by Leo is out of print and nearly impossible to find. My copy went as a gift, as it had come to me, to another woman involved in spiritual exploration. The book starts out slowly, a young woman meets a wizard who begins teaching her about the spirit (not to be confused with soul here) of mother Mary. The book had a resonance for me. It spoke of esoteric matters that would, to most people seem nonsense on the surface. But then, tensor equations are nonsense to most people. I don't know how to describe its magic, just that it was. My venture into never-never land yielded positive fruit.
A year after getting my investiture from my old company I still had new source of income. The house had returned to the bank. I was no longer able to pay rent to Grace. Distraught with no obvious way to remedy the situation, I decided to follow the example of the mystics and go on a vision quest. It turned into a ten year walk-about.
Vision!
The vision quest ended in a small apartment in Van Nuys, CA. The night job sorting mail failed to raise the rent and the landlord had posted an eviction notice. I didn't know another nearby soul beyond hello. The new boy friend had left, plagued by his own demons with which I was unable to help. I had nowhere to go. I was going to have to hit the road again wondering each night where I could sleep, often hungry, fighting fear and exhaustion to positively bless every vehicle that passed me by while I stood shivering with my thumb out.The little abandoned kitten dumped on me was in heat. It was an old west meller- drama - "The Peril's of Pauline".
At a total loss as to what action to take next, I sought the advice of a local minister which led me to the Bodhi Tree, a new age bookstore in Hollywood which the literature of eastern and esoteric thot. A lurid black and red volume on the used book shelves titled Systematix or Sytematics or Systematicks. Mysteriously, I can't find any reference to this book anywhere under these or similar variations of the title. On the cover, the book declared unequivocally that reading the book would result in "enlightenment". It proved to be a strange semi-scientific treatise on the formation of vortices in boiling water and how similar structures appeared in the evolution of consciousness. The essential thesis (as I understood it) was that any sufficiently rich language construct, including itself, contained the necessary keys to enlightenment. It contributed to a strange state of mind. I found myself reading between the lines - literally. Specific meaningful ideas would spring from a page of words by an unusual non-linear association between them. Certain words would appear to pop from the page into my consciousness.
Tho a fairly frequent marijuana user and a rare social drinker, I had not had anything stronger than coffee for months. I'd done some minor consulting work on a Commador Amiga and was inspired by the capabilities of the graphics. In Asia mandalas have long been used as devices to get beyond linear, left brain, thinking It occurred to me that the new graphics capabilities would be an even more powerful tool, especially tied to the exploration of optical illusions. The kitchen table was strewn with graph paper filled with colored geometric patterns I had been drawing to investigate this possiblity when the !Vision! came:
Time came in a series of disconnected bundles:
I was standing on the surface of Mars. The wind was blowing. I could sense that below the surface was a very alien intelligence. Like the myceleum of fungus it spread out beyond the horizon. I felt someone tell me that Mars was quarantined.
I was wandering on the street at night excitedly proclaiming to two giggling teenage girls that the aliens were coming. I found myself on an overpass of a freeway leading into LA. from the San Fernando valley. Looking down on the freeway I saw a dark rombahedral shape hovering about 20 feet above the roadway. Imagine a 30' long black destroyer from Star Wars without the superstructure. It was very black, made out almost completely by the occlusion of the light beneath it. I think it had two tiny white lights like leds on it's periphery and maybe a red and a yellow light were located asymmetrically from the center I was looking down on.
I was in the bathtub. A stardust twinkle in the pattern of the wall in front of me caught my eye. I leaned forward to see more closely and my mind fell into the wall. The atoms of the wall expanded exponentionaly around me to the size of basket balls, then to the size of planets. A timeless rush brought me beyond the plane of quantum ground to a perspective where I was seeing something like galaxies of consciousness. Thousands of intelligent civilizations. A large proportion of them were engaging in a brilliant display of fireworks from their own self immolation. Singly and in unisons of complex patterns, the civilizations died in what was their highest artistic achievement as they left that plane of existence for some other. Billions of conscious entities killing themselves for an awe producing display of beauty.
I danced as maiden in the sanctuary of the Temple of God in Jeruselem. I wept with joy as I was found worthy.
There was a small dark dimple in the ceiling. It looked as if a hole had been drilled and a miniature camera cable inserted. I could almost make out a tiny lens.
I answered the knock on the apartment door half naked. Perhaps it was a noise complaint. I only recall that it was congenial.
I was walking in the afternoon towards Sherman Oaks. A boxy black limousine followed very slowly along behind me. It turned and drove away. Another was soon seen pacing me.
I was having a vision of a tarot deck , the non-linear sequence of paintings on cards esoterically depicting what mythologist Joeseph Campbell called the "hero's journey. This is the same card deck used in divination. The Tarot was showing me a hierarchy of the four queens. I was queen of swords at the top. We each had a sphere of responsibility, but the responsibility for the group was on me.
I have no exact knowledge how long the vision lasted. I know it was at least two days and maybe as much as a week. As with the telepathic "download" I received two years ago unraveling the meaning of the Vision seems to be taking much longer.
Wonderings thru Elsewhere
None of this helped in dealing with physical reality. I was still homeless. The next several years were an excercise in mental discipline and an education in the wisdom of the vagabond. I was schooled in appreciating each moment. A warm cup of coffee became a major treat. As in Viet Nam, the day's desire was food to eat and a warm dry place to sleep at night. There were interludes where friends and strangers gave me food and lodging yet the grim spectre of homelessness cast its psychological shadow. Only in the corners of my mind was I able to pursue ideas of enlightenment. From a homeless shelter in Denver I was finally able to get a job driving a cab.
Driving a cab in Denver provided a small respite from the rigors of homelessness. My apartment was frequently visited by those shy sprites one only "sees" from the corner of one's eye ("Angle" a little imp that looked exactly like a coal black carpenter's angle). I started a small class Denver on the esoteric study of Tarot. As a class experiment I decided to attempt channeling one evening. I relaxed into a meditative state & tried to open my mind to messages from the unknown. "You are Loved," was the sole voice that came thru a message to myself and the group as a whole. On non-verbal levels it seemed to originate from an massive entity responsible for the maintenance of the entire Sagitarius arm of the galaxy, a galactic troubleshooter if you will (the solar system is located on the Orion Spur a stellar bridge between the Perseus & Sagitarius arms of the Milky Way).. As I now review the incident in retrospect, this seems to me to have been my first contact from "fleet."
My success as a cab driver was limited. I soon found myself on the street again. Finally, in 1992, I hitched from Denver to visit the Institute of Noetic Sciences in Sausalito above San Francisco. I had managed to put together a small outline of my idea to use animated mandalas for meditation. I was received cordially but without any enthusiasm so my hopes to find the funds to proceed with a research project were dashed. On my way out, the receptionist complained to me (I can only surmise that she was remarking on my effort to obtain financial aid) "I have a degree in philosophy. They don't pay me to do philosophy!" Today I would reply, grinning, "they don't pay me either!"
Nonetheless, the call of the Institute led me to San Francisco. From a shelter in San Francisco I was able to get on welfare. This was the first income of any steady kind I'd had in ten years. I volunteered my work at a low income computer center. I was able to use the centers resources to prove the viability of my program to alter consciousness thru animated mandalas.The graphics I developed were mesmerizing to other clients, many of whom had emotional and substance abuse problems. They would come in and immediately fixate on the graphics I was working on. It is my hope that this work might someday be advanced to aid all of us in connecting more in a more aware way with the various facets of our consciousness and help heal problems such as substance abuse.
Despite the nearby Silicon Valley boom jobs in the professional market still proved difficult to get. I'd been out of professional work for too long. I was too overqualified to be considered for entry level positions. I was considered to be unstable. I had cobbled together a computer system from parts that allowed me to run a small demo of my animated mandala technique in achieving altered states of awareness. My social worker in San Francisco expressed interest and sympathy. She finally persuaded me to seek a Social Security disability. All I had to do to have the government support me was to admit to being crazy. Well, by their standards, I was. Likely, by the standards of many who read this as well.
For the next year I continued to develop the concept of animated mandalas and moving visual illusions to alter consciousness quickly, effectively, and with specific emotional goals in mind. Right brain intuition guided the mandala artwork. Left brain disciplines allowed me to create on computers. Little interest was shown by any angel funding but I honestly did not apply myself to seeking it. I identified color sequence, "shape", movement directions and velocities as variables that led to different results.
Finally, a financial advisor took a look at the completed demonstration. His reaction to the possibility of finding angel funding was positive. There were caveats. I had been concerned for some time as to the use of this technology for purposes less than ethical. I was already beginning to see advertisers using a primitive (very) version in promoting their products. Further, the financial advisor helped me to recognize the extend to which the project would own me should I proceed to a commercial version. It was not what I wanted my life to be. At this point I finally gave up on the idea of ever trying to sell or make money from the concept. It simply isn't in me. Enlightenment is not something that can be bought thru the value of money. Something more precious is required.
In the roughly 25 years since this revelation I have continued to try an synthesize my ideas into a form coherent enough for partial transmission to others. I've continued with anciliary artwork and research on the meditation graphics program. An interactive DVD was developed with a series of 21 meditations corresponding to the major arcana of Tarot. I have used my own program to bootstrap my own development. In 2001 I met my husband in the San Francisco Leibovian study group for In Search of the Miraculous, early 20th century's philosopher of science, P.D. Oespensky's narration of his investigation of Russian mystic G.I. Gurdjieff. This study as a discipline to train the mind is an essential element in my current practices. Gurdjieff emphasizes the development of both intuitive & logical faculties of the mind. "Understanding is the union of knowledge and being",says Gurdjieff. Accumulation of facts is insufficient in itself - my walk-about had shown me that.
In 2007 we moved to the small mountain town of Dunsmuir, California at the base of Mt. Shasta. San Francisco had proven to be too expensive and too noisy. We could only afford separate housing. We were looking for a quiet place to live on our pensions and V. was attracted to this area. We had no knowledge at the time that it was considered a spiritual hot-spot with portals to other realms as in the case of Sedona nor that it was the apex of some kind of vortex extending outside the earth's atmosphere. It just felt right. We've felt happy here and secure. My all time favorite blessing comes from the Sioux/Cheyenne nations "May you walk in beauty," and we do. Just yesterday a little exploration led to views of surpassing beauty and awe. We consider ourselves most fortunate. Still the work continues
About Halloween 2018 we watched a YouTube video purporting to be a transmission from a benevolent consortium of aliens assisting mankind the needed quantum leap in consciousness - "fleet". It suggested, that should we desire further information, we need only request a dream be sent. I mentally did so. The following morning I awoke to a radical change in my paradigm. Volumes of information about the nature and composition, intent, history, and future plans of this organization "Fleet" were available to my mental questioning. This phenomenon has been called a "download". I had thot this highly unlikely. I now accept as my working hypothesis that I am being/been contacted telepathically by extraterrestrial and related entities from "Telos" (a city constructed in byegone ages by the Lemurian civilization under Mt. Shasta). I have written elsewhere as to why non-verbal "telepathy" is a likely form of eatie contact. I would have previously viewed any such an outrageous claim with amused interest, much as I viewed the claims of the gentle lady so many years before claiming to be an abductee.
Conclusions - Choice in Reality Construction
My intent here is not to present prophecy but to try and demonstrate a specific case showing the close connection between the field of consciousness, especially that intimated by Carl Jungs writings on "the collective sub-conscious" and the extra-ordinary phenomena of NHI contact. The collective consciousness in the United States is well inculcated with the science fiction notion of first contact. Flying saucers are a very popular media subject and one suspects the supposed trauma from a first contact scenario would be much less likely than in 1938 when Orson Wells broadcast of H.G. Welles War of the Worlds caused of the panic The Jungian collective subconscious appears prepped for such an event. Notice the connection: Wells & Welles. Random chance? I think not.
I'd like to conclude with several thots on the possible theoretical background and possible scientific verification of these observations and what they might mean for humanities future. In this time of great challenge to the planetary eco-sphere when our institutions of long term decision making have failed us miserably it seems to me that it is time mutually took mental control of our stewardship.
I describe myself on Facebook as a "professional dilettente". My primary college professors in both physics and philosophy suggested that my forte lie not in the field of physics but in philosophy of science. A broader view. In any investigation of Extra-Ordinary Phenomena the problem of verification becomes paramount for science. Observer bias is such problem that the AAS recently called a major conference to address it. I once asked Grace (Dr. Faus) what the difference between "real" and imaginary was. "What difference?" was her cryptic reply. If, then, imagination (image= I, mage) is a factor in "real", what can be said about the nature of "scientific" reality? I'd like to conclude my contribution to this volume by proposing a somewhat skewed view of the problems associated with choice.
I try to give special note these days in those serendipitous anomalies of synchronicity that appear in my life starting with the rich field of language itself. Streams of consciousness? Bucky Fuller said "I am a verb." Consciousness moves in the field of time. Complex streams & rivers seem with their turbulence, whirlpools and eddies seem a far better way for humans to model consciousness than as static entities. "Stream" of consciousness is more than a simple turn of phrase, its an omen. Imaginary numbers used to describe the Schroedinger wave before its collapse. Is it really just accident that mathematicians chose the word "imaginary" to describe quantities in the Scroedinger wave before it's collapse? I think not. It seems to me that the dense field of language has incorporated hidden truths of the collective sub-consciouss.
I want to emphasize the importance of putting these observations, in fact all EOP into a epistemological framework. To do this I want to re-visit the problem of paradox and of free will. I am completely." convenced that one of the chief difficulties in the analytical understanding of the relationship between cognition and reality lies in the nature of paradox and Aristotle's Law of the Excluded Middle in logic.
"This statement is a lie," Epimenedes paradox, was the bugaboo of Christian theologist and apologist, Paul. In the centuries since its utterance philosophers have relegated it to the middens of philosophy. From my viewpoint they did so by obfuscation saying essentially "this statement is not a statement". Here's a basic problem in logic that we can't understand. Let's redefine it so that it is not a problem. An essentially congruent argument was put forward when Bertrand Russell proposed his paradox "Does the set of all sets that do not contain themselves as elements contain itself as an element." This is often presented as a variation of the barber paradox (the barber shaves all who do not shave themselves). Aristotle's excluded middle says that the barber either does or does not shave himself but never both. Notice the similarity here to the indeterminancy of the uncollapsed Scroedinger wave.
Notice also that in all of these cases the propositions are self - referential. If one takes them in pieces, as moments of deduction in time, they behave like cellular automata that flip true/ false states. Taken outside the field of time and ignoring Aristotle for a moment the measurable values of Epimenides paradox behave analogously to the indeterminancy of the Schroedinger wave. The observer can essentially choose which truth value of the paradox she wishes to adopt with absolute certainty of contradiction!
Following the example of Dr. Glen Webster of UC Denver, from whom I had a philosophy of science graduate course in Alfred North Whitehead's Process and Reality, I'd like to revisit the Scroedinger's cat. This famous gedanken (thot) experiment posits a situation where the collapse of a wave to an observable phenomena could yield two outcomes - a cat held in a cage is either dead on making the observation, or alive. I think this problem is viewed from the wrong perspective.
Let's look thru the cat's eyes for a moment. Unless the cat is Berkely Brethed's Bill the Cat, I'm quite sure that he's not suicidal. The cat's viewpoing: THE CAT ALWAYS LIVES. In essence, regardless of Schroedinger's observation, the cat has "chosen" to invest its consciousness on the living outcome. The cat chooses it's reality. The cat in the hat goes flat? No cat I've heard of.
This is the perennial philosophy. This is what the mystics have told us from the time of Herme's Trismigestus : "The universe is mental". It yields the likelyhood of multiple inconsistent realities. Schroedinger may well observe a dead cat but the cat won't. Aristotle's Law of the Excluded Middle is voided in a more comprehensive view that allows each observer their own independant reality. For this reason I side strongly with the proposition put forward in physics that we live in a multiverse of many intersecting "realities". I argue elsewhere that this is an a'priori condition for free will to exist. Aristotle holds true only after the die has been cast. In theoretical physics there is no necessity for time's arrow. The equations of physics work just as well when time is running in reverse. This suggests that, in an atemporal view both the dead cat/ live cat scenarios are already part of the multiverse before the experiment begins. Then, within constraints, we really choose our reality. Really.
Lucretius imagined a sphere of the known universe with a spearman thrusting at its boundary to explore the epistemology of the knowable. The conclusions I came to were that Lucretius question on the limits of the knowable included a hidden (and false) assumption. When Lucretius' sphere thrusts thru the boundary of the celestial sphere couldn't the celestial sphere stretch to accommodate it? My conclusions were also influenced greatly by the study of fractals. As one zooms in on a fractal boundary it retains elements of the original form yet is always changing. As if the boundaries are alive.
Localization automatically implies observer focus. Focus collapses the probability waves of what could be to an observable "what is". The intersection of "what is" for multiple observers forms a consensus reality in which it is possible to do group work. Recognition of the fractal, variable, individual nature of reality seems to me essential in proceeding with scientific investigation or indeed any group work. "In my fathers house there are many mansions." "Judge not lest ye be judged." If, as I have posited here "reality" is truly individual then there is no basis whatsoever in the (ethical) judgement of another. Valid connections to others can only come from emotional connections and consensus agreements. Scientific "fact" seems the most reasonable approach to finding an analytical consensus.That's not enough. An non-judgemental open minded consensus of heart seems the best way to work together, always careful to focus on the commonalities of world view.
I find myself engaged in a gedanken experiment of my own where I'm the cat. I resolve to focus my mental energies on the best possible outcome I can visualize & disregard aberations as noise. Whether strictly subjective or no, I've led a full life and have little to lose while heaven is to be gained. I'm on my way up the tornado to space & over the rainbow. I welcome you to join me in this conscious act of mental creation.
The neutral observer, the scientist, in me replies:
Everything in this treatise could be wrong.
